Another Project

Yet, another project. Now we are designing cake stands using pastillage (same idea as fondant-but a bit more structurally sound when dried). I have to admit, I'm a bit uninspired. Its sticky to make, and containing vinegar, I seriously doubt anyone would want to consume it. Meh, a bit over showpieces. But thats OK, because at the end of this unit-on Thursday of next week, we move up to level 3!! When did this happen? I can't believe level 2 is over, I feel like we just started! Though I'm a bit nervous because there's a shift in instructors happening and the usual chef won't be teaching (he's getting promoted to dean! as the rumors go). A bit disappointing because he's supposed to be an excellent instructor, and truly great at what he does-even if he's a bit intimidating! Hopefully, we'll get someone good!
All of a sudden I realize I'm near the end of my program-and while that excites me to no end, it also scares me. As I continue my education here I'm confronted with a scenario I'm not used to. My choice to pursue higher education (aka a masters) may or may not be of any use to me. Talking to advisors, the only reason to go to grad school (and spend all that money) is if I'm interested in research, every other aspect of the field I would be better off just getting an internship (and saving that $40K). I am interested in research, quite interested, but I don't know if thats what I want to do. I know ultimately I want to open my own bakery/provision store-front. I have a basic business plan that feels realistic, so the question is, when do I plan on doing this? And am I OK with the prospect that I won't get a masters degree. To be honest, I sort of want the degree just to further my education-it certainly can't hurt. I love so many aspects of this industry, I can't seem to pin down exactly what I want to do. So either-school, or intern a variety of places to decide whats best. I think this is the first time I've ever had to really take risks. I'm used to the sciences! Go to school, get a job! It's just that easy-well, not really. There is that whole dedicating the better part of your 20's to education. But with the freedom I've been given by my new profession comes a whole slew of uncertainties. And for the first time in my life I find myself at a loss for what I should do!
I started thinking about why I'm here in the first place-in hopes that that would provide some sort of enlightenment. I was just reading an article in Gastronomica about food as related to existence-philosophy of food essentially. While I generally consider myself well educated and well read, I struggled to grasp many nuances in this dense article. But, the overall message was a contradiction to Plato's idea that hunger and food are in no way useful to enlightenment, in fact, it's a hinderance. Philosophers featured in the article suggested the opposite. That food is existence, it is what connects us to the world and one-another, in a way that nothing else does. It has always been difficult to articulate why I love baking. Yes, it's science-oriented. But thats what makes me good at it, not why I have a passion for it. And I think it comes down to personal connections. When I wanted to be a doctor, a primary reason was that I wanted to have a profound positive effect on someone's life. I wanted to connect to others-in my own way. Medicine is the easy answer, what better way to influence one's life than to save it? While I know now that medicine wasn't right for me, the same drive exists. To feed other people, is to connect to them on a very basic human level. And to provide a medium for people to form memories, or connect with one another is a subtle way of influencing a multitude of people. It may seem cliche, and while I can't put to words exactly how I feel, I know I never feel as "present" as I do when I'm cooking a meal or baking for a loved one. This is why I bake. Now, to decide the next step.