Thinking About the "Next Step."

The French Laundry

It is both exhilarating and entirely frightening thinking about what to do next...Or rather, in January. I have so many options, none of which are necessarily better than the others. I fluctuate between feeling very confident that if I want to eventually work for, say Thomas Keller, I could, and feeling like maybe this is all in my head. I have fearful moments where I think, maybe I'm actually pretty average (professionally speaking). Then I'm flipping through The French Laundry Cookbook (one of my biggest weaknesses-impulse cookbook purchases) and reading the desserts, and thinking, this isn't so bad. I could SO do this! I think, I should. While cooking through an entire book is quite daunting, after all, it did take 6 months to get through the FCI book...I think I can handle the 18 recipes in French Laundry. I know Thomas Keller is many people's "Chef-Idol," so it doesn't feel particularly unique to say he's one of my favorites, but truth be told, I'm slightly obsessed with working with him. And thats not so out of reach, the current pastry chef there got hired only a few years out of the CIA, and is quite young. The question is more, am I willing to spend the next several years working hard, long hours for little pay, or even for free at first? I also have a strong inclination to work (and open my own) specialty confections store-specifically, chocolates. Obviously, chocolate work holds a special place for me, and with my internship and the Chocolate Show on my resume, I'm well on my way to getting a job. It's what I'm best at, and I love it. Chocolate work for me is strangely cathartic, and I'm lucky to find it so easy. So should I just immediately specialize in what I love? I'm actually inclined to say no. I feel like I still have so much to learn, and unfortunately, the place to learn it is probably in a restaurant. And who knows! Maybe I won't completely hate it, maybe my competitive nature will serve me well. Then in the back of my mind I think, I sort of want to still go to grad school! Or intern abroad? I think I'll be happy wherever I end up, I'm not one to dedicate my energy to something I can't stand unless absolutely necessary. I just need to get over this fear of failure ridiculousness.