Thinking About the "Next Step."

The French Laundry

It is both exhilarating and entirely frightening thinking about what to do next...Or rather, in January. I have so many options, none of which are necessarily better than the others. I fluctuate between feeling very confident that if I want to eventually work for, say Thomas Keller, I could, and feeling like maybe this is all in my head. I have fearful moments where I think, maybe I'm actually pretty average (professionally speaking). Then I'm flipping through The French Laundry Cookbook (one of my biggest weaknesses-impulse cookbook purchases) and reading the desserts, and thinking, this isn't so bad. I could SO do this! I think, I should. While cooking through an entire book is quite daunting, after all, it did take 6 months to get through the FCI book...I think I can handle the 18 recipes in French Laundry. I know Thomas Keller is many people's "Chef-Idol," so it doesn't feel particularly unique to say he's one of my favorites, but truth be told, I'm slightly obsessed with working with him. And thats not so out of reach, the current pastry chef there got hired only a few years out of the CIA, and is quite young. The question is more, am I willing to spend the next several years working hard, long hours for little pay, or even for free at first? I also have a strong inclination to work (and open my own) specialty confections store-specifically, chocolates. Obviously, chocolate work holds a special place for me, and with my internship and the Chocolate Show on my resume, I'm well on my way to getting a job. It's what I'm best at, and I love it. Chocolate work for me is strangely cathartic, and I'm lucky to find it so easy. So should I just immediately specialize in what I love? I'm actually inclined to say no. I feel like I still have so much to learn, and unfortunately, the place to learn it is probably in a restaurant. And who knows! Maybe I won't completely hate it, maybe my competitive nature will serve me well. Then in the back of my mind I think, I sort of want to still go to grad school! Or intern abroad? I think I'll be happy wherever I end up, I'm not one to dedicate my energy to something I can't stand unless absolutely necessary. I just need to get over this fear of failure ridiculousness.

I couldn't resist...a few quick bonbons!

I know, I'm supposed to be relaxing, not baking. But, I couldn't help myself. After arriving in LA I went on a search for bonbon molds, which turns out are expensive ($60 a tray?!?!) and difficult to find. After eventually giving in and ordering online I happened to wander by Le Cordon Bleu (another cooking school) and noticed they had a small supply store, and of course, they had bonbon molds! Oh well... I ended up talking to the woman there and she pointed out silicon molds and when I said I was hesitant to try them because of how flexible they are (aka difficult to scrape clean) she said a pastry chef at the school had just started to use them, and really liked them. Granted, she said, its more difficult, but if you can get it right the results are beautiful. Not to mention, the average silicon chocolate mold is around $15, MUCH cheaper! So, I bought one and headed to whole foods to pick up a few valrhona bars. I decided on making a classic dark chocolate bonbon with a dark chocolate ganache, so no sugar added. I also wanted to test my at home tempering skills, slightly afraid outside of a professional kitchen my skills would dissipate. I opted against trying to find a recipe for the ganache and just did it by eye, adding a bit more cream than I normally would since there was no sugar/extra flavor, and if done well results in that "melt in your mouth" texture.

Filling the molds was slightly harder than filling the standard polycarbonate variety, but not significantly, so I was optimistic. The ganache turned out wonderfully, smooth and the perfect texture, crystalizing within minutes (the sign of a great ganache), AND my first out of school tempering attempt was a great success!

Now, covering and finishing bonbon's is the most difficult part, and with silicone it was even harder. Because the molds move, it makes it really hard to get a clean scrape on the bottom. So while that aspect wasn't perfect they un-molded almost immediately, and had a great shine. Normally, bonbons would take several hours, these took 45 minutes from start to finish, and they could have gone faster if I needed. And while it may take some practice, I can see the benefit to silicone. But for now, I think I'll stick with my trusty polycarbonate, the benefit of which is a true showing of your chocolate skills. Unlike silicone, if you incorrectly temper, they won't release.

Now that FCI isn't paying for all my supplies/ingredients when I was left with extra ganache, instead of throwing in the compost bin I rolled a few quick truffles, trying to use up every last ounce of my chocolate!

I seriously cannot get enough of making chocolates, I absolutely love it. Perhaps I should work at a chocolatier...

Eleven Madison Park & The Chocolate Dress

A few loose ends...
After graduation this Thursday it was a blur of packing/shipping as well as final meals as I prepared for the move back to the west (best!) coast. Now I'm here and anxiously awaiting all my boxes in hopes that they were not somehow lost somewhere in the middle of the country...I have to say, I do miss New York, but you cannot beat the weather here, 74 and sunny today! And its strange to think I'm done already, the 6 months flew by, but didn't, and now just feels surreal. In the past year and a half my entire life has been dramatically shifted, from going abroad to a career change. I have to say, I couldn't be happier with my choice! And I know I've gained the privilege that few have, the ability to honestly say I love what I do. I couldn't ask for more. And I can't wait to continue my education practically over the next several months, and just see where that takes me! No future plans as of the moment, and to tell you the truth, its a pretty great feeling to have an entirely "open road" ahead!

The front of our model.

The completed dress from the back


Eleven Madison Park.
We arrived a bit early, we had driven into the city and inexplicably found a parking space right outside. We went to the bar and I had one of the better cocktails I've had in a while, though not better than, definitely comparable to a Death & Co. standard. Whiskey and Sake. This was at seven. We were seated in the oversized dining hall. It's gorgeous, and I had forgotten what "traditional" fine dining was like, huge white tables, vaulted ceilings and acoustic manipulation so there's a constant low murmur, yet you can't hear what people three feet away are saying...Impressive, mostly because it was elegant without being cliche or gaudy. Warm reds and oranges with oversized flower vases were the primary decorative motifs. I loved the simplicity and warmness it created, I was concerned it would feel "stuffy." Not in the least.
Our first amuse bouche, to be followed by three more before our tasting (which is only four courses) even started. Beet marshmellows and goat cheese pops. There was also a bread course, as well as brioche with truffles, soup, himachi, and scallops. The dinner overall was phenomenal, including the best foie gras or lobster I've ever had. Of course I was mainly interested in dessert, which of course came with its own amuse bouche.

Chocolate.
After the meal was over we were more than satisfied and the wine was making us both a little sleepy. As we prepared to pay and leave the manager approached us and asked if we wanted a kitchen tour! Well, of course! They brought us in, showing us an immaculate kitchen way larger than I ever would have anticipated any restaurant kitchen to be. Then, the pastry sous chef made us a special dessert using liquid nitrogen. We followed him back towards the dining room, and I was ecstatic to have gotten the opportunity to tour the kitchen, but it wasn't over yet!

After the tour, we were brought to a lounge and given even more desserts, a petit four plate and complimentary cognac we could drink at our leisure. Of course, at this point it was approaching 11:00pm, and fading fast. The manager brought us one final farewell gift of the house granola (amazing by the way!). It was truly an amazing meal, and easily the best overall dining experience I've ever had (or could hope to have)! It was definitely, the perfect graduation dinner.

The End.

I can now, officially say I'm a pastry chef!!

My final showpiece. Grand Marnier Bon-bons, vanilla crescent cookies, and dark chocolate brandy cake. It's funny how much work goes into something that looks so simple! The last day was not bad, I got everything done I wanted to, with time to spare. Though, not without anxiety. Even though I was right on schedule the tension in the room was so thick, it was hard not to feel pressured! After we finished everything, we placed our showpiece in the judging room, displaying our pastries and left for the guest judges to grade us! And then the waiting began. We had all heard that the judges are impossible, so going into it, we were ready to hear all about how awful our products were. Especially since most of the judges are well known names in the industry (such as the executive chef from Gramercy Tavern, or Quattro Trump Towers-my judge). So I felt extremely relieved I felt when he was perfectly nice! And actually complimentary! Apparently everything I made he loved/was impressed by! He even asked me what I did in a few cases, wanting to know how I got specific textures. Quite the compliment. Ending with an invitation to come trail at his restaurant! Yep. A potential job offer. I didn't expect that!! Of course, I'm moving bak to LA, but I can contact him should I move back to NYC (here's to networking!). Although I felt more physically exhausted than I have in a long time, it was a great feeling being done! And tomorrow is graduation (though, its a very short, generally unexciting ceremony), and my Dad is coming!!! I absolutely can't wait! Now, onto sleep and NOT getting up at 6am.

The Home Stretch!

Tomorrow, at 11:30am, I will officially be done! The practical final, which started Friday after the written exam is due no later than 11:30am. We have to present the four items we drew (from the whole semester) on a showpiece. Everyone is more stressed than they have ever been, and for once people may actually not be able to finish (or present items). I'm right on schedule. Not without mishaps, of course. Day 1, I decided to make my grand marnier bon-bons since they can sit around for a while as well as start my showpiece and make some doughs to freeze. Throughout the program I've become excellent at tempering chocolate. I'd say its one of my best talents, and while many students still need to reference temperature charts, I've abandoned my thermometer altogether. I can now tell the state of the chocolate by feel, consistency, and sight. I love chocolate! So I thought bon-bons would be easy! And the chocolate part was. The ganach on the other hand...It's a recipe we hadn't done (there are a bunch of fillings and we chose only a few during the unit). First, we didn't have grand marnier, so I had to use orange liquore (gross), and no stabilizer (usually glucose). I have yet to break an emulsion when making a ganach, and feel confident with my ability. But this recipe was terrible! The high liquid:chocolate ratio resulted in it taking absolutely forever to set up (it never really got that thick...) and when I went to finish my bon-bons the filling kept coming out! Essentially, I had to re-do them. They take a bit of time, and I was worried it would happen again. So (against the rules, shhh) I decided to use a recipe from one of my favorite confections book, ironically, from CIA (Culinary Institute of America). It had a very, very low cream to chocolate ratio, which makes a phenomenal ganach, but is also the most difficult to execute. Plus, magically, the Grand Marnier appeared! It was a beautiful result, smooth, velvety, and THICK. Ideal, and tasted wonderful. I'm SO glad I switched them out! Some of those recipes are pretty bad, trying to employ different techniques, and while the core ones are great, these extended ones could use some work. So, bon-bons done. The rest of Monday/Today went fine generally, got everything done that I wanted to. The only other incident was this afternoon. Let me preface with, the organization required to store 21 student's final pieces is pretty ridiculous. While trying to grab a board from the speed rack one of my fellow students dropped the sheet my pastillage were resting on. Normally, pastillage is super delicate and breaks on you with the slightest touch, and takes several days to dry. But, its easy to cut/color and relatively quick to make. I heard a huge crash, and my heart sunk. There was no way I could re-make these! I would have to completely rethink my showpiece! But by some miracle, they were fine, and the only thing that was ruined I had a duplicate of. Thank goodness. I cannot describe the level of relief I felt at that moment! So, aside from minor details (my crescent cookies are a little large, and my chocolate brandy cake is a bit short), but really...I'm going to finish, which is an accomplishment alone!
And then there's the chocolate show...ALMOST done, its being assembled tomorrow for the show opening! I'm glad I did it, but it didn't help my anxiety and fatigue level for sure (I promise pictures soon!)
Though I have to admit, I'm getting a little sad thinking about leaving. I absolutely love living in New York. It has been amazing, and I've made very close friendships, which will be the hardest to leave! I feel quite fortunate to have made such close friends here, in such a short amount of time. I don't think I got this close to people I spent four years with in College (aside, of course, from Alex). And I will truly miss them! I guess that just means I need to move back eventually :)


So, on to judging!!

OK, I have to admit. I actually enjoyed the wedding cake project. From the start of the program I've been not particularly looking forward to making this. And still, I don't particularly enjoy making the actual cake (in this case, genoise which is a pain to make, and and doesn't taste that great!). But I do enjoy decorating. It's really relaxing, and actually, although I wouldn't consider working professionally as a cake decorator, I wouldn't mind doing side projects!


Cutting and filling the cake

crumb coating

covering

building!

Menu Project Day 2

A bit delayed...
Thursday I (along with half the class) finished up our menu items to present to the judges. I felt like I was the only one for those two days running around the kitchen. Everyone (or mostly everyone) else seemed to be having an easy time. Granted I had 9 components (most people had 4-5), and hadn't really anticipated I would need as much time as I did! Luckily I did manage to finish and felt pretty good about my results. Though, extremely nervous. This was the first project I felt really strongly about, and put a lot into. I was worried they wouldn't like it, and although I know judging based on taste is a bit subjective, if they were to dislike it, I would be admittedly upset! Today in class students were discussing their grades and how they were happy about the menu aspect (class avg. in mid 90's) but quite upset about the tasting grade (avg. mid 80's). I hadn't checked my grades, so I was really nervous. A grade in the 80's generally means it was fine, but not great. For the menu portion I ended up with a perfect score, which was great, but obviously I was far more concerned about the tasting! But, the nerves were for no reason, I got a 98, nearly perfect, and far above average! I was ecstatic! It felt so good to have those hours where I obsessed over all the small details pay off! And a much needed boost to get through the next week and a half.

Tri-layer brownie (with goat cheese-honey, and ganach layer), stout and pretzel ice-cream, and spicy caramel corn.

Meyer lemon and black pepper bombe glacee with swedish rye cookie, valrhona dark chocolate mousse with olive oil cake and fleur de sel, and campari-orange gelee with vanilla sugar.

And by request! The brownie recipe.
Brownie (for 24 in 13x9 pan):
4oz (1 cup) toasted walnuts, chopped and tossed in flour
5 oz (1 1/4 cup) cake flour
1/2 tsp salt
3/4 tsp baking powder
170 g butter-cubbed
15.75 oz (2.25 cups) sugar
4 large eggs
1 Tbsp vanilla paste

Adjust oven rack to middle-preheat to 325. Line pan with foil, spray with pam.
Whisk to combine flour, salt and bp.
Melt chocolate and butter over bain marie, remove from hear and whisk in sugar/eggs until smooth.
Fold in flour/walnuts and transfer to prepared pan. Bake 30-35 min.
allow to cool completely

Goat Cheese Layer:
2 cups heavy cream
Zest from 2 lemons
4 oz fresh goat cheese
4 Tbsp honey

Mix zest, cheese, and honey over a double broiler until combined, cool.
Whisk heavy cream, and mix 1/4 into the cooled cheese mixture to lighten. Gently fold the remaining whipped cream and spread the mixture on the brownie base, allow to set up the fridge.

Ganach: 7oz dark (64-72%) chocolate and 3/4 cup Heavy Cream
Chop chocolate and place in a metal bowl.
Bring the cream to a boil and pour over chocolate bits-be sure to cover all pieces. Let sit for a few minutes to ensure all chocolate melts. starting in the center, using a whisky slowly begin to mix the ganach (being careful not to incorporate too much air, once it begins to come together (this usually takes a few minutes) start to work outward in a circle, until you get a smooth ganach. Cover the brownie and allow to set up.

Cut and serve at room temp.

Enjoy!